Our First Fight: "No, I won't eat my children!"

Most people don't believe that my husband and I ever fight. We're normally smiling ear to ear no matter where we go.

I don't want to disappoint you but I need to set the record straight right here and now.

We're not perfect! There I said it.

In my last post, 16 Happy Years I mentioned that things weren't always easy during our 16 years of marriage. We have had our moments of what we called in the early years "interesting discussions".

I'm going to share one of our first fights interesting discussions with you now.

After I met Scott I got a job at the same grocery store he worked at. He told me later that he thought I was coming there because he was there. The truth was I needed a job and a friend of my mom's just happened to work there. She set me up for an interview with the manager the very week after I met Scott.

I got the job! I scanned groceries while Scott bagged them. We were fast becoming good friends. We both worked late shifts. I would often wait around for about an hour after I got off to wait for him.

Scott took two months off for the summer to go to Honduras. I spent all my summer's pay checks on phone calls. Then he came back. Asked me to marry him. All those details you can read in my last post here

Scott then returned to Seminary, and working the evening shift. He would often think about the things he studied in school.

One day in Seminary there was a deep theological discussion of how bad mankind's sin can be.

That discussion stayed in Scott's mind the rest of the day. He was ready in season and out of season to give an answer. (2 Timothy 4:2)

This is normally a good thing unless your bride-to-be is not a seminary trained theologian. Then you might just get fireworks.

I was waiting in the back room for Scott to clock out. We were about to leave with several other workers. We saw one of the other employees go into the bakery and steal a cookie. I was shocked!

I asked Scott about it. He said that wasn't the first time that had happened. Then the lesson they discussed that day kicked in. Just as I was about to say it he said, "Don't say that you wouldn't do that."

I looked at him in disbelief. "I would not steal a cookie!" I said emphatically. Did he think that I was so low that I would do such a thing?

He then told me about the verse in the Bible that talks about how times were so bad that even the most upright and delicate women ate their children. Was I suggesting that I was better than them?

My eyes were as big as saucers at that point as I insisted that I would NOT eat my children.
I'd give my children my own limbs if it came to that.

Poor guy thought I was declaring myself incapable of sin.

Once we got to my home we both decided to listen.

I told him about the teacher that I had in elementary that told us not to say we wouldn't do something because we would. Her example was we should not say we wouldn't smoke because we might smoke. Well, I didn't hear the might. I spent several years afraid to say I wouldn't do something.

Later I realized that it actually was good to be resolved against doing evil. And so I had a firm determination that I wouldn't do something that I know is wrong.

Scott explained that in his class they discussed Deuteronomy 28:56-57
and talked about how bad mankind can be under dire situations. I can't say that I wouldn't steal a cookie if I was hungry enough.

I admitted that I knew I was capable of doing bad things. But I would never eat my children. To me that verse speaks of how spiritually messed up the people during that time were if their best mothers would stoop so low as to eat their children.

Scott was glad to hear that I didn't think I was perfect. And I was glad to hear him say that I didn't have to eat my children.

We laugh about it now. Scott even bought a huge pot as a gag gift to me after our firstborn son was born. We used the pot for tamales but the kids sure enjoyed playing in it too.

Have you and your spouse ever had an interesting discussion? How did you finally resolve it?

Next time you have an argument interesting discussion brewing...Listen.

16 Happy Years

I'm not going to say they were all easy years. Some were very difficult. However there is a feeling of accomplishment with each obstacle we overcome.

My father, found Scott in Seminary. He would come home from work and tell me all about the questions Scott asked in school that day. My dad held Scott in high regards and was constantly singing his praises.

As the eldest of 3 siblings, I was beginning to get anxious to move out of the house. I was attending a local junior college but wanted more independence. I was willing to consider marriage but thought surely I would find a guy that met my high expectations in college. That didn't happen. I was sorely disappointed.

Then the day came that I finally gave my dad permission to introduce me to the potential son-in-law of his dreams. Yes, I was slightly skeptical at first. I even told my dad that I would only guarantee one date. Then Dad would have to help me break up with him if I didn't like him after that date.

My dad went to the seminary the next day handed Scott a business card with my name printed on the back and said, "Scott, my daughter really wants to meet you!"

I was rather embarrassed that my dad worded it that way. "Dad! You, made me sound desperate!"

Scott didn't seem to mind that though. He might not have called if it weren't for my dad making it sound like I really wanted him to.

Thankfully my dad answered the phone the day Scott called. He was coming to our church that Wednesday night. I was nervous!

My dad was preaching when Scott came in. We were a part of a small church. Scott claims he sat behind the prettiest girl in the auditorium. I'll go ahead and believe him even though I was probably the only obviously eligible girl in the room.

After the service we all talked. No it wasn't love at first sight for either of us. How does someone fall in love with a complete stranger just by looking at them? He seemed nice and was kind of cute but I wouldn't describe it as love until I was sure.

My dad took us all out for ice cream after the service. I called our first date, "Date with Dad." My dad did most of the talking and Scott knew how to talk to him. So I sat at an opposite table and just listened mostly.

I guess after that first date with my dad, Scott knew my dad would be a good father-in-law.

The next time I saw him I invited him to my band concert in college.

Easter Sunday, my Mema had invited him to eat with our family at her house. I picked Scott up that day. He was playing his guitar on his porch steps. We talked all the way to my grandmother's house and all the way back. He wasn't too shy to talk and yet didn't mind listening either. I think that was the day that I decided he was a keeper. I didn't know how he felt but I decided I wouldn't be the one to leave.

Then one day he took me to the zoo. He asked me if he could hold my hand. Ah ha! He didn't realize that he might as well have proposed to me. I agreed. He picked me a flower off the side of the road.

That summer he visited a Missionary in Honduras for 2 months. I spent all my money on phone bills that summer. We still have the numerous letters we wrote back and forth to each other.

Early one morning, he called my Dad and asked if he could marry me. My dad told him, "That's why I gave you that card." Scott asked my dad if he could get my ring size without my knowing.

The next day my dad asked me and my sister if we had any idea as to how he could find out my mother's ring size without her knowing. He said that he was thinking about getting her a ring.

We asked which finger and he said he wasn't sure. So we decided the best way was to get everyone in the family to measure all their fingers. Well, our idea didn't work because mom never did measure her finger. I think my dad was smarter than I was.

Then Scott arrived back from Honduras. He imagined the perfect setting to ask me to marry him. However we went to a wedding that night and the rumor had gotten out that we were engaged already. Poor Scott didn't know how to tell people that he hadn't asked me yet. He decided that night that he better go ahead and ask.

We almost set our wedding day to be on my birthday in December. However that was an awfully busy time of year for his mother to come. We decided to move the date up to Thanksgiving. He thought he'd be able to remember it better that way.

Thanksgiving day, November 28, 1996, I married my knight in shining armour. Life might not have always been easy for us down the rocky roads of life but 16 years and 6 children later we have really been blessed.

How long have you been married? Where did the two of you meet? If you're not married yet, do you know what you are looking for?

Never settle for less than God's best.

How to live Happily-Ever-After...

This a picture of my husband and me a little over 12 years ago. A lot has definitely changed over the past 12 years. Just looking back on my life, I'm amazed at all the different experiences God has given us, and all the things we have learned during that time.

Marriages don't last 12 years very often these days. I remember the time I taught a group of ladies in a class and their one burning question was how do you find that right person to marry. This is a problem that many women, and men for that matter, find themselves shaking their heads and wondering how do you find that special person to spend the rest of your life with.

Too many people are looking for the wrong thing, when they look for a spouse. They look for someone that will lavish them with praise and flowers. They think that life long happiness comes from what they can get out of the other person. That isn't the way it's suppose to be though. Such a relationship will end, as so many are these days, in unhappiness, bitterness, and then the ugly bitter divorce, which breaks up homes and families. Leaving the hurt embittered person looking for the next relationship that will give them more, only to be disappointed yet again.

So today while love is on everyone's minds, I'm going to offer some advice. First to the singles that are still waiting and looking for the right person. God will provide you with the right person, however you must do your part too. You must be praying for God's will for you and for the person that he will send to you. Then pray for God to help you to be the person worthy of the one he will send.

Why would God give one of his jewels to someone that isn't worthy. When I was praying for a Husband, I had a list of things that I wanted and expected in a potential husband. If I met someone that failed in one of those areas I would not have given him even one date. Every young man I met in college went under great scrutiny. My Dad knew I had high standards and he too was keeping his eye out for someone. He saw Scott in Seminary and told me, "Stacie, Scott is different." So I agreed to one date. Of course Scott was quite different and after a short time I knew he was the one that God wanted me to spend the rest of my life with. Scott also had high expectations for a lifelong mate.

If you want to marry one of God's jewels you need to keep yourself polished. First make sure your saved. It helps to belong to the King of Kings before you can have the blessings he has in store for your life. Then live like God would want you to live. It is good to have high standards for your future mate and not settle for less, but you need to keep high standards for yourself as well. Because the right person for you won't settle for less either.

I know a lot of people that might read this and say, "It's too late for me. I've done messed my life up and I am undeserving of a jewel." Then let me tell you, that you have just made an important step, you admit your not good enough. It's not too late though. God may still have someone for you and what you need to do is starting right now turn yourself over to God. Don't worry about anyone else right now, you need to work on your own life and be all that you can be for God. Only then, can he offer you what he has in store for your life.

Now then for those of you who are married. What about you? Can you say that you are happily married? Would your spouse say that you are happily married? Do not look outside of your marriage for marital happiness. Leaving your spouse will not make you happier. Yes, you can be happy with your present spouse. It requires work, but you can do it. Don't look at your marriage as, "What can I get out of this marriage? What's in it for me?" No, look at what you can do for your marriage. Be a giving person. Don't just take, take, take. And don't give grudgingly. Don't do things for your spouse, expecting something in return. Give freely. Your making an investment into a happily-ever-after marriage. If your spouse doesn't seem to notice at first, think about how God notices. God loves you and knows what you are trying to do. He will reward your efforts in His own time. And believe it or not the more you do, your spouse will start noticing too.

God wants you to be happy. If anything must change in your relationships, it has to start with you. Only with God can you truly live happily-ever-after.

My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before him. For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things. Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God. And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.
(1 John 3:18-22)